We do miss things by living far away from home. My littlest sister is becoming a woman and Emily’s littlest brother is becoming a man; all the while we are over here, thousands of miles away. Skype, facebook, email, and summers spent back home make it way easier but there is no doubt that living overseas has a price.
I was just officially notified that 我的狗死了 (Wǒ de gǒu sǐ le). I knew it was coming. I actually expected it sometime during the 2008-2009 school year so last summer was purely extra time spent with her in my mind. I have no doubt that my dad made the right decision at the right time. Maggie was a wonderful 狗 (gǒu) and I am so grateful to have had her in my life. I cannot thank my parents enough for making her a Christmas gift to me back in 1995. She taught me a lot of things. I definitely agree with those who believe 狗s (gǒus) help teach children responsibility. She did that and also gave me an opportunity to practice for parenthood…I have to admit that sounds odd to say but its true. I learned, watching myself with Maggie, that I am incredibly consistent but will need to be careful not to withhold mercy when I am a parent of human children. I consider that an invaluable lesson and a direct result of my mother and father’s gift.
Maggie and I also had wonderful summers preparing for 4-H 狗 (gǒu) shows. Winning prizes with her throughout the years for our favorite competition, agility, is definitely something I remember with fondness.
I remember her fear of balls, disinterest in sticks, and confusion towards frisbees and the realization that I would not be that kid in the movies who showed his 狗 (gǒu) love and affection through hours of fetch. I remember seeing her have a seizure that first summer after Christmas and being scared and confused, not quite sure if I’d got a dud dumped on me or whether I was happy to have her. I remember after one of her seizures realizing she could no longer wag her tail. I remember cleaning up her accidents in the house with disgust. I remember holding her when she seizured throughout the years, speaking soothingly that “it’s okay Maggie, it’s alright” while keeping a grip so she wouldn’t knock into something or hurt herself. I remember how she’d be so excited to go for a car ride, a walk, 狗 (gǒu) show practice, or when I’d get home. I remember how she remembered me after I moved away from home and still greeted me with love when I was visiting and sleep in my room. I remember seeing her skinnier, slower, deafer, blinder, and weaker these past few summers. I remember realizing the respect I have for those at the end of life and how my help can ease the way for both them and me. I remember realizing her 死 (sǐ) was coming. I remember realizing that her 死 (sǐ) would be a good completion and that to try to hold on would deprive both of us of that goodness. I remember Maggie.
Her life and now her death have been great for me…that sounds odd too but its true. Even in her 死 (sǐ) Maggie teaches me how to mourn, remember, and let go. I’ve learned so much, loved so much, and built memories of fun times. I love you Maggie. I’ll remember you with fondness and affection.
Dear God, teach me to love my family, friends and the strangers you put in my life this way.
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