Taiwaneers

One thing that I think many expats come to accept is that we are in some ways, to some people in our adoptive countries, kind of like exhibits at a zoo. We are the cute monkeys that perform oh so human-like actions, but at the same time observers can pick out how we are different and how adorable those differences make us….or something like that. Expats who don’t accept this, to some extent at least, in my opinion, are the angry ones that are always complaining and wishing that everything was just like at home and whom the rest of the us are tempted to shake and ask in a loud voice “so why don’t you just move back to your own country then?” There is a lot to be said for being a cute, adorable monkey. If your ego can accept it the pay is great! The opportunities are also numerous!

In the last four and a half years in Taiwan I’ve done a number of different jobs that have been making me reflect on the whole expats are zoo exhibits principle. For example, last week a friend and I put on an English seminar for Nike’s Taiwan employees. We spent three hours teaching English to thirty adults using basketball as the theme. It was great! I’m too embarrassed to even say how much it paid, and we felt like rock stars at the end. If I wasn’t a foreigner who also looked like a foreigner who also was a native speaker of the world’s language who is also okay with being seen as a cute, adorable monkey, to an extent, this would not have been possible. I guess what I’m trying to say is that as a foreigner strange opportunities come along way more often than one would expect.

Here’s another example. I’ve been asked more than once if I want to do modelling. Now, my mother and father are extremely good looking people, but I am no model and I’ve always turned these offers down. The mere fact that I’ve been asked is weird enough. Other people say yes. One of my former classmates (a dude from Brazil) was regularly in commercials here as was one of Emily’s classmates (a girl from New York). When I went to buy a rain poncho I saw another of my classmates (a dude from the USA) pictured on the packaging looking oh so happy in his awesome rain poncho. The closest I ever came to modelling was during my first year here in Taiwan. Through a friend I got hooked up with an advertising agency that had landed an account with Dewars to increase brand awareness in Taiwan. The campaign was simple. Get a foreigner to dress up like a Scotsman (including a kilt that was so short I had to pin up my boxers) and take the “Scotsman” into groceries stores all over Taiwan to pose for pictures and hand out free samples of “Dee Wars” mixed with green tea. That’s right folks. I dressed up as a Scotsman and made a fool of myself for two days at six different grocery stores, incorrectly pronouncing Dewars and offering people pretty good whisky ruined by green tea (actually it doesn’t taste too bad) while offering to pose for pictures with their kids who would take one look at the man with a beard in a skirt and start to cry….all for money. Thankfully there is no photographic evidence still in existence….that I know of.

Then there are the entertainment jobs. One of my good friends (a guy from Zimbabwe) is a pretty decent hip hop singer and he landed a gig as a regular DJ at one of Taipei’s more prestigious clubs. Anytime I wanted to get in he always had my back. I don’t even remember how many people I know that are “promoters.” Basically, they hand out free entry and free drink tickets to tons of foreigners for different clubs, etc., so that the club will get a reputation as being a cool spot because it is frequented by lots of cute, adorable monkeys.

Besides modelling and entertainment the biggest employment sector for us monkeys is teaching English. Granted, we are teaching and all that. However,  the monkey element enters in here too. Most of the jobs are with after school buxibans (think after school group tutoring centers). Buxibans convince parents to pay them tuition by showing them all the wonderful cute, adorable monkeys that their children will spend time with and learn how to speak the world’s language from. If the kids don’t learn English the parents will stop paying. But, if the kids don’t have fun the parents will also stop paying. The supply and demand principle enters in and what you get is that a lot of “teaching time” is games and just making sure the kids have fun, while in an English speaking environment of course. This isn’t true for every buxiban, but definitely the norm. It’s not uncommon for teachers to be told to play more games.

And the pay is ridiculous. Starting pay teaching English is, on average, about 600 NT an hour. That is about $20 USD. Not bad right? How hard is it to be an English teacher you ask? The requirement set forth by Taiwan’s gov’t is to hold a bachelor’s degree, any bachelor’s degree. And, even with the high pay and low requirement there are still tons of jobs to be had, which means that if you are half way decent with kids and are able to show up on time consistently you are labeled an awesome teacher. Pretty good deal right?

To make a just comparison I should also note that minimum wage in Taiwan is only 100 NT an hour. So that means that starting wage for teaching English is six times greater than min wage. To put that in perspective Michigan’s minimum wage is $7.40 USD. Six times that is $44.40 which comes to over $92,000 USD a year! If kids straight out of college made that kind of salary consistently in Michigan we would be shocked right? Crunching these numbers gets me every time.

So there you have it folks. Come to Taiwan and make a lot of money as cute, adorable monkeys.

PS- I hope none of what I’ve said comes off as offensive. Every culture is different and values different things. I’m not making judgments here, just sharing experiences.